Yapp, that was exactly a year ago when I published my first post here..
I still remember that was my last day in Iceland and I was so disappointed that the club couldn't have been open. I was waiting and waiting but they didn't get the licence back so I decided to leave. I've had a chance to see a bit of Iceland's natural beauty so I didn't see the point stay any longer. Basically I was just wasting my time while I could arrange another contract somewhere else. The period before Christmas can be good, when the companies pays the bonuses and after Christmas party some guys go to a strip club for afterparty, I definitely wanted to work not like this year when I'm a bit more lazy. Very soon I booked myself to Luxembourg and I worked there during the holiday season. But before I left for Luxembourg, I started to write this blog.
So that night in Iceland. I was alone in a hotel room. I had a morning flight, the guy who took me to the airport picked me up early. I don't know because of the next day travel or because of all the problems that was circulating in my head, I had a very restless sleep. I was just twisting, turning in the bed, switch on the lights, tried to read, but when my eyes got tired switch it off but couldn't fall asleep. Finally I had a short but very deep sleep. I got up before my alarm clock on the phone started to beeping. And the first thing it came to my mind that I NEED TO WRITE A BOOK! It came suddenly out of nowhere.. I don't even remember if I was dreaming something about it. Then I went to the bathroom and the first word I saw it was PHOENIX (that was the brand name of the hairdryer) :) But this symbol has a very strong meaning in my Life. That's why I have a small phoenix tattoo on my lower back. Actually when I went to the tattoo salon, I had no idea what I want but I was sure I get a tattoo. That I don't leave the salon without being inked. I was checking the book of drawings when this symbol found me. When I saw it, I told the guy immediately I want this one and that's it. That was also a difficult time in my Life. But since then the symbol of the phoenix always reminds me of rebirth, that whatever goes bad in my Life, I have the power to start again from zero.. as I did so many times. I don't know if you believe in this signs or not. But I do. So after a few days of Internet research about how to write a blog, I had everything ready. I thought it's a good field to test my writing skills before I would jump into the deep sea of publishing. I didn't even think about the name, it just came to my mind without effort just like the whole idea of writing. As I explained it's HEARTBROKEN because underneath the shiny, glittery surface I'm just a weak woman who needs to be cherished and BROKENSTILETTOS because God knows during this work how many pair of shoes I destroyed.. Against the critics that put the focus on being heartbroken, I like it and I have no intention to change it.
And a few days later I was ready with the first post. That's how everything started here on my own little telling-all-my-secrets blog. And today, after a year I have more then 5000 pageviews and people from all around the world who support me with kind words. I was not expecting that. But messages like these caress and uplift my soul:
"It's honest, mature and above all else, ‘REAL’. Very refreshing"
"Had a quick look at your blog...really well written and a very interesting window into an unfamiliar world. It's really compelling. It's easy to make assumptions based on peoples professions and it's great fun to surprise people."
"I travel a lot and have been known to find myself in strip clubs from time to time but reading about it from the other side is enlightening! I hope I have never behaved like some that you mention!"
"The more I read the more intrigued I am!"
"I particularly drawn by your honesty and intelligence and that you come across as so totally genuine."
I never ever met these guys in person. They never see me dance or they were never flirting with me in a club. But they like what I represent here: a genuine, honest, free spirited woman. Might my plans about the book will fail – I will do everything not to – but for the appreciation I get throughout the blog, it's already worth to write.. Thank you ALL!