"Well-behaved women seldom make history."
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Sunday, 20 December 2015

Merry Christmas to all!

This time of the year it always seems I'm disappearing from the eyes of the world. Indeed it's kind of true. But don't worry, I'm okay. I left Germany and I spend this Christmas with my family. They are happy to see me and spend some time with me as I was a little unfaithful to them in the past 5 years and I didn't come home to celebrate Christmas with them. I was either working or just found an excuse to stay in London. This time is special and they feel honoured that I made time to come home. Too bad for them, I'm planning to stay longer than they thought. :) Only kidding, every time I come home, I have my place here and I'm always welcome.
I'm restless because I'm working on the book which I'd like to finish until the end of January, that's reason why I remain a little quieter here and on other social websites. This is an exciting time of the year for me. Family, Christmas, new year and a new start..
Wish me good luck then!

I'm wishing you all a peaceful Christmas and holiday season and I hope all your wishes come true in the New year!

With love,


Saturday, 28 November 2015

Photoblog - geroart.com

I'm always glad to organise some photoshoot during my working contract with the clubs so I can work with photographers from all over the world.

Here is one photo from my latest photoshoot in Germany. I'm very pleased with the result, the photographer is a genius!

Photo taken by geroart.com

Friday, 20 November 2015

Those sweet temptations

Here comes another confession from me. I don't consider myself as bisexual although at work customers often like to have fun with two or more girls that like each other also in a sexual way. And it's always easier for the girls too to sit with one customer as they can get rid of the drinks easier not to mention easier to keep him (and his hands) under control. So of course when a client asks me if I like girls, I would answer “Yes, can I introduce my friend to you?” In that case I'm in the game, light touching and kissing makes the moment more sexy and playful.
In private life my curious nature has been already satisfied, so I no longer look for these temptations. However, it seems they still find me! But it's totally different when I sense an honest interest from one of my colleagues. I'm not getting easily embarrassed when it comes to flirt with men but when a girl is flirting with me it has a different flavour. Honestly, this still can embarrass me.
There was one girl in Belgium, when she made her show on stage, she often tried to keep eye contact with me as she was making the show only for me. That flirtatious smile, winks and so on, you know. When she got drunk her behaviour was more intense and more obvious. Even my friend, Giselle noticed it once and she told me “It seems I need to protect you from her!” True, she was a bit of an aggressive type, not my taste though.
Other time happened when I was in Cape Town. There is a rooftop sunbathing area for the dancers and with Giselle we enjoyed spending the afternoons there as it was our escape from Europe's winter. Then I noticed that one of the girl from the club always appeared a few minutes after I arrived. She tried to talk to me but I was with Giselle – my bodyguard – and I preferred talking to her as we speak the same language. But the girl never tried to make a conversation with Giselle, only with me. Or if yes, if was about me, like “Where is Lindsay today? Doesn't she come to the pool?” Giselle made a fun out of it, but I told her she was exaggerating it, the girl was just friendly (maybe lonely and she wanted to talk to someone, I thought.) But once I was having a pizza in the living room, it was more than enough for me and I don't mind to share my food with the people around, so I asked her if she would like to have a bite. We were talking for a while about the club life in general, the pizza was gone and she suddenly offered me a bottle of wine and I was invited into her room. Yapp, Giselle was right! I rejected the offer although she was very pretty and such a sweet person, I had no interest in her in that way.
My latest admire is also one of my colleague. You know it's nothing more flattering for a woman than another woman's honest compliments and desire to get to know her better which goes beyond sympathy and friendliness. I heard from lots of men that “You're gorgeous, you have a beautiful body, you're beautiful, blah blah” But when this girl told me “Lindsay, your body is just perfect!” with sincerity and a genuine smile, it made me blushing. That night she had her regular customer and somehow she managed that I got invited to the table. We had bottles after bottles, the champagne was flowing and the air got more and more intense between us. At one point I realised the roles were changed at the table and I got entertained by my colleague instead of the customer. He sat between us and the girl bent over him to reach out my hand and caress my tights. “I never touched such a smooth skin!” The guy just laid back and enjoyed the situation – and paid for our drinks. That night she was clearly trying to seduce me.

When we finished the shift, I went to the back door to leave the club. She came after me to say good night and she kissed me on the lips. A sweet, gentle goodnight kiss. Nothing more as I didn't give her green signal to go further. Although nothing happened between us, the situation made me smile. She's like a doll. Really. A beautiful woman with a kind heart. It's actually a very satisfying feeling to know if I change my interest into women, I could have such a beautiful lover that most of the guys just dream about.  

Friday, 30 October 2015

Greetings from Germany!

Just a quick update because I didn't write here lately:

The club where I work now, it reminds me of the first club I worked. A bit quiet but nice and relaxing. I like everything about it. The accommodation is just super, I have my own room with my own bathroom and kitchenette. I don't need to share it with other dancers. And I was shocked upon arrival when I saw the boss cleaning up the room for me, usually they just leave it as the previous girl left it, and I have to clean before I move in. Those girls who travel for work know it's very rare in this business. Dancers apartments are usually dirty and overcrowded. Here if I want to run around naked all day, I can do it. I'm by myself. (No, it's not boring! That's my well desired peacefulness!)

I like working with German guys. They are polite and easygoing, they know if they come to the club, it costs them some money. Not all buy drinks or dances, but at least they buy dollars tipping the dancers. Just a very few think they are in a cinema and they can just watch without paying. Here is no stage show all night, if they don't pay, we don't dance. Perfect! I like this house rule, it's just a waste of energy dancing for guys if they don't pay. It makes you tired for nothing. Here I don't feel tired, since I'm here (end of September) I only took one day off. The town is small but great, lots of parks around if I feel unmotivated or just need a good walk.

And I also have a good relationship with the people in the club. Funny, those who can speak English here, I don't want to talk to them, and those I like speak only German or very little English. It's just putting me to learn more German, which is great! I already regretted the time I spent in other countries without learning the language, here I have a bit more chance to do so. I also think about going back to school, so I dusted my old psychology books and brought them with me. It keeps me occupied these days. When the club is not busy, I'm sitting in the corner wearing lingerie and heavy make-up, and reading the Introduction to social psychology book or German grammar. Funny though, but you know by now I'm not your average stripper.

So for all these reasons above, I feel I'm on the perfect place right now. I think my travels stop here, I will come back to this club only. No more reason for me searching another clubs. 
I'm happy where I am now.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Meeting Mr. Grey

I think there is nobody on this planet who doesn't know who is Mr. Grey and his fifty shades. Or what does it mean being Mr. Grey. In my recent club in Germany it was a quiet night, not so many customers. This guy came in and sat in the booth in the corner. He was wearing a blue jumper so actually I should call him Mr. Blue. I went over to say hello but he was not interested. I would say he was a bit arrogant and distant so I left him after 5 minutes talking. He was just an average looking guy but he mentioned something that he's special. (Oh yeah, everybody here thinks he's special!) Then I sat with another customer in the next booth, but I felt he's watching me. It kind of made me angry. If you doesn't want my company and pay me, stop staring!
My customer left and I sat alone while the other girls were working. Suddenly this guy came to my table and sat down next to me.
“Don't you remember me? I was here on Tuesday!”
I started to collect all the missing moments from Tuesday but I was a little bit tipsy so I couldn't remember him at all. For sure he was not the one who made me drunk. I would remember if he spent money on me, otherwise how you can expect that a dancer will remember all the guys wondering around in the club? But the situation was embarrassing.. maybe I told him something not so nice and now I don't remember?
“Do you want a piccolo (the small bottle of champagne)?”
“Yes, please!”
And the waitress girl brought a cane – it was hidden behind the bar for naughty customers – with my drink.
“Now I remember you!”
He was sitting with another girl and they spanked each other with the cane. He bent over the bar and the girl spanked him and then they changed and he got spanked. It looked they had fun though.
“It was not really clear for me if you are the dom or the sub?”
“I like both.”
I have to admit I like to talk about fetish. I want to understand how someone can become a fetishist? I mean HOW? And why? It's one big mistery for me. Often guys in clubs asked me to dominate them but in real life I wouldn't play this game. Teasing and pleasing yes, but not the hardcore fetish games. Often guys ask me to spank them hard or beat them with their belt, or put the belt around their neck and lead them around the club. They also like to be humiliated while other guys are watching. But they pay me to do that. So we shared our experience and the drink came to the table one after another.
“Do you like to be spanked?”
“I don't know, I never tried.”
It's strange, before nobody wanted to dominate me. A little spank in a kinky way during private dance was acceptable but nobody asked me in real. Since I'm learning to be more feminine, it seems it happens more often..
So I let him spank me with the cane twice. The first one was very mild. I was more curious how much it can hurt and what reaction my body makes. It was nothing. He spanked me second time in real. Auch! My body can deal with pain, I felt it but it was still okay. (It was still nothing compare to the pain I bear in my heart these days.)

But during discovering my limits, I forgot a small thing: that I have very sensitive skin. After 2 days the bruises on my bum still look very bad and they are in every colour not only grey. Seriously, I think I can forget G-string for the following week. If someone sees it, he might think I have a very abusive boyfriend at home!

Sunday, 27 September 2015

My Top 20 chart

Sometimes I work in clubs where is a DJ, so I don't need to select my own music to dance to. But then I have to dance on any songs he plays without any requests. In other clubs there is a DJ and I can give him my music or even he asks me to choose my own songs. Often I'm not bothered, I just tell him to play any.. as one my manager used to say "you're a dancer, you must to know how to move on any kind of songs." Nothing more disappointing then seeing and amazing pole dance show when the dancer can't follow the rhythm of her music. I've seen enough examples of that.. If I have to choose, I always pick those that suitable to my move.
Still, I have my favourites. And just like in anything, I like to be unique in choosing the right songs as well. I never choose the songs that you can hear on the radio every day, or the classic striptease music like the You Can Leave Your Hat On. I have music from all over the world. That's why happened that in the Caribbean I danced on German songs, in Germany I dance on French songs.

Here is the list:
20. Baby Bash ft. Akon - I'll be your lover
19. Sido - Strip fur mich
18. Macka Diamond - Dye dye
17. Ivan Dorn vs. Klaas - The Lova
16. Maitre Gims - J'me tire
15. Tiziano Ferro - Senza scappare mai piu
14. Gyptian - Hold you
13. Massari - Real love
12. Blero - Sexy moves
11. Clara Morgane - Strip tease
10. Lil Kim - Kitty box
9. One Republic - Secrets
8. Gasparoff - Knights of Citeriya
7. Ofra Haza - Show me
6. Andreea D - Paradise
5. D'Banj - Oliver Twist
4. Isthar - Last kiss
3. Massari - Inta hayati
2. Xavier Naidoo - 20.000 Meilen
1. Kymani Marley - Royal vibes

Here is also a playlist: 
There is no special order between the songs, I equally like them. It depends on my mood which one I prefer to dance to. But the No.1. is on the first place, because whenever I danced on this song, girls couldn't wait for me leaving the club and they could use it for their own performance. So it's not just my No.1.!

And then when I have to make a special show, I like to do a little belly dance. These are the songs for my fantasy shows:

Sarah Brightman - Harem
Alanis Morisette - I remain
Amr Diab - Tamally Maak

So that is the list of my favourite songs. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy dancing on them. :)

Sunday, 20 September 2015

How men approach a stripper

My job is to approach clients, I keep it in mind. But different men, different rules. Some don't even bother to be nice, when he sees I'm going to his table, just lifts up his hand in the air showing I'm not welcome there. Others are talking to me for long minutes without buying me a drink and then they are surprised why I stop answering to them or apologise that I must go to work. 
So let's see here what are the most behaviour of men in approaching a dancer: 

The shy guy – He never approaches the girl. He is sitting alone or with a friend holding his drink. If the girl smiles at him, he's embarrassed. Usually he waits until the girl goes over to his table. (I would say this is the most common type of customers.)

The self-confident type – He comes to the girl with a wide smile and speaks very loud. I'm his “babe” from the very first minute. He needs all the attention of all the girls. And he can be pretty upset if he doesn't get it.

The drunk guy – When he comes to you, you can't decided he comes to you or the girl next to you. He's walking in zigzag. And when he starts to speak, you can't focus on his words but a very bad smell from his mouth from the alcohol he previously drunk. If the girl can manage to take him into the private, maybe he falls asleep. I've seen a private closed with curtains because a drunk guy was sleeping on the floor in an unbelievable pose. His only luck was that he spent enough money so the manager decided to let him to sleep there. These guys usually will come back next day because they lost something.

The bachelor – He is not my favourite. He comes to the club in ridiculous outfit in some country. South Africa is the winner, there I saw guys dressed up as a woman, Superman, a bride, the Pink Panther and the most popular was a baby outfit holding a dummy or some alcohol in a baby bottle. He usually arrives fucked up drunk with his friend. And usually his friends have more fun than himself. In a lucky day they ask for a special show on stage that usually ending with poor guy being beaten up with his own belt. But lots of time they are annoying not to know what exactly they want.

The complete liar – He come to you with a complete lie. I had a guy who said he is in the military but probably I have more muscles than him. And when his friend came over I asked him if he is also military and he said yes, I was just laughing. Unbelievable some guys what kind of lies are able to say just to impress a woman!

The desperate guy – Desperately needs sex. If he has money, he will offer a bigger amount to go for a “dinner” with him. If he is a cheaper type, he offer a smaller amount. Or if he's really a cheap one, he tells you he will pay you a dance only if he can touch you or you give him a handjob..

And our dream guy – He's polite and clean. Smiles at you and invite you for a drink. He knows what kind of place he entered and respects the rules. He doesn't need to spend a lot, but he knows we are there to work and he doesn't waste our time. If he doesn't like the girl, he is able to tell that politely(!) not like “I want a girl with bigger boobs” 
Luckily you can find these type in clubs too!

Tuesday, 8 September 2015

The sad Hungarian reality

I didn't want to write about it because I haven't decided what is my opinion. I'm just a stupid stripper who doesn't talk about politics. Right? BUT.… Now I'm in Germany and people are still asking my opinion about the refugees in Hungary after it seems everybody is happy as Germany save them from the Hungarian hell. For Germany it's easy to be the white knight. One of the strongest country in Europe. But Hungary is already bleeding from thousands wounds.
Judge Hungary. But you don't know those who had to leave the country in their fifties because that was the only way to support their children's school. Or those who had huge debt thanks for the Swiss Frank and to pay it back they had to go abroad with zero language skill to have a better paid job. You don't know those Hungarians who had no money to go home easily for family events like to a funeral or engagement. I missed both because I couldn't just jump on the plane and go home. Hungary is not a Kanaan. And of course we are worried. When the average monthly salary is about 300-350€ and I pay the same money in the supermarket for a bread or milk like in the UK or Germany. People in Hungary just try to survive and we need to feed our nation first. Do you know how many dancers from Hungary are working just to support their family back home? Some just do this job because there is an ill family member and somehow the hospital bills need to be paid? And she chose to dance and smile and cry when no one else sees?
What would you do if three people just get to your garden and decide to stay there because they think they have the right to do so? Then they make a fire and start to burn your garden furnitures.. They get hungry and they start to kill your animals.. Then your dog because he's barking loudly and they can't sleep. Maybe you feel sorry for them but the sad truth is your children don't dare to go out and play in the garden. You want to get rid of them asap. Right?
My grandma has nightmares and she scared til death. In her own country. In her own home.
You know the old saying, don't you? When you go to Rome behave like the Romans. I moved to England. I accepted its law. I didn't start to drive on the left side just because in my culture this is how we do. Those want to come to Europe without respecting the EU law. Half of them are really in needs and they are desperate. The other half is arrogant trouble maker. Hard to decide. It's a mass. They don't have leaders. Without leaders it's a total anarchy.
When they beat up a Hungarian policeman? When they humiliate the people who bring them free water and food and throw it to the rails? When there are hungry and thirsty children amongst them? They don't want to be registered and burn their papers instead? They want us to accept them. But they have to be acceptable! (I don't agree with those Hungarians either whom behaviour was inappropriate towards them.)
Years back thousands of gypsies from Hungary went to Canada as refugees. But they couldn't fit in there either. Canada had enough of them and send them back home.. We were angry at Canada?? No, although we didn't want them back either.

What I see it's only fear and pain in the eyes. And chaos. Huge chaos in the 21. century when people have smart phones in their pocket but some has no humanity in the heart.

Peace be with you. And make sex, not war! :)

Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Stripper with soul

Nobody warned me before that blogs are like tattoos.. if you have one, you always think about the second one. Or at least that is true in my case. (Am I graphomaniac?)
Right now spending some time home, I found my old poems and I decided to open another blog in Hungarian. Although London gives me power and self-confidence, Hungary gives richness to my soul. And there is one layer of my heart that in English you will never be able to understand.
The translation is rough and it doesn't do its justice. I think to translate a poem is the most difficult part of learning a language and I'm still not there yet. But here are some of my poems from a few years back:

I dreamt that you were 
close to me, really close.
And when I wake up - maybe - 
you are here next to me.


I'm an angel. I hug you with 
my snow-white wings when you are cold.
You made them for me from fluffy clouds
so when you call me I'm ready to fly to you.


If I could transform into words
what I feel for you,
I'm afraid these feelings
would leave me forever.


I see you as an angel who broke his wings 
and the memory of the pain 
stops him from believing 
that once he was able to fly.

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Photoblog - from Costa Brava

I'm very happy when I meet a talented photographer and I got pictures like these as a result:

When I work in different countries, I often try to contact photographers. I did it in Spain and I found a young and talented guy from Barcelona, Andreu Olive (andreuolive.com). We had a great time during shooting, although the beach was a little busy and we made some noise and some guys tried to be sneaky taking some pictures with their phones.. Oh well, it's hard to be famous! :)

Thursday, 13 August 2015

Kisses from sunny Costa Brava

(Meanwhile I arrived to Hungary, but I wrote this when I was still there, so let me share the original post.)

Sun, sea, beach, good food, sangria.. what else can I wish for more?
I was hesitating to come to Spain or go to Greece instead, but I thought I've been in Greece already, let's try Spain this time! I was a bit worried as I heard a lot about the clubs here and almost all of them offer more than a regular private dance. This club 2 years ago was a brothel too, no wonder if guys are still continuously asking for sex.
And actually I'm lucky that I came here instead of Greece. The Czech girl who arrived yesterday was there and she almost didn't get paid according to the crisis there. One night the owner paid her normally but the next one “Sorry I don't have enough money. So I gave you just that much.” It's not correct as we have a contract with the clubs how much they must pay for us. And most of our money is commission based. It means customers come and pay, we have the percentage of their money spent on us. With daily payment I want to get the whole amount on the same day, specially in those countries where they don't keep the records clear. In countries like Germany, it won't be a problem as they write everything down.

In Norway I worked for Albanians, in Canada for Asians, now in Spain I work for Russians. It's just funny yet confusing, my bosses don't have a typical Russian name like Sergei or Dimitri. Never heard that name before, now I have three of them in the same club (plus one more in another club)
They are new in business and little bit unprofessional. But because they don't know how to make it better, at least they don't stress the girls to make more money for them.
But the club is boring. It has lots of potential, but still boring. I can imagine here parties, special shows just like in the local discotheques. The bar woman has enough time to practice her pole dance knowledge, instead of serving the customers. I make money on customers. But how can I make money if it's a Sunday night, the club is empty, only two young guys are sitting there with one drink (one had only water) not even the bar makes money on them. And finally after one and half hour later they decide to buy one house dollar each to one of the girls on stage. Wow, she made 2€! And that was a money hardly earned as they though a boobie massage is included.
And let's be honest, this is the Costa Brava! On the beach our men see more tits than in a club where only 5 girls work and there is no continuous stage shows. Myself I spend here more time topless on the beach than at work!
OK, I understand they just opened - maybe 4 moths ago – and they are new in business. Three middle-age men. Maybe it's midlife crisis: they though opening a strip club is easy money and easy fuck for them?
But they have zero organisation skills. We gave them lots of advice as we travel a lot and have seen different clubs with different systems, but they don't listen. Here if I could make 1000€ in 4 weeks that would be a miracle. But I knew that ahead, so no stress. I still get my 40€ daily salary even the club is empty. I never got 40€ for watching movies as we have Internet access in the club! Accommodation is provided and free of charge and it's only 50 meters away from the beach. This is I call paid holiday!

Here is like the language chaos of Babylon as the customers require me to speak Spanish or French, the owners Russian or German. Only a few people speak English, I just wondering why the hell they want English speaker girls then.
One night an Indian guy came to me:
“No chiki chiki?”
“No.” whatever he meant by that. (I have a guess though.)
But during the show in private, it doesn't matter what language you speak. Words no needed.
The best way to learn a language to have a boyfriend who only speaks that particular language and your love for him will force you to learn. But this is the best way the hate a language too. Once I had strong feeling for a guy from Puerto Rico, and I started to learn Spanish only because of him. Now I don't even want to use the words I learned although I understand them. My passion to learn Spanish is gone with him. That scar is deeper than I thought and I realised it now. But I'm proud of my scars on my heart. Without them it wouldn't be ME.

Just an update to the end:

On my last week I made more money than on the previous weeks all together thanks for the young boys that came to the club. Some of them were nice and very enthusiastic while other were party animals. I like when they drunk and drugged, they forgot we already had a private dance. I have 5 privates with one of them and he thought each dance was the first! So I finished my contract with money and nicely tanned. No reason to complain.

Thursday, 9 July 2015

Almost Miss Hungary

Linked to my previous post, in 2001 I went to a beauty pageant where I won the 2nd prize.
When I started modelling, I often travelled to Budapest for a test or portfolio shooting. Once I was waiting for the metro at Deak ter, when a short chubby guy stepped to me.
“Hey, you should apply to the Miss Hungary! I'm the one who organise it!”
“Yeah, yeah..” and I turned my head to the opposite direction “Of course!”
The guy was quite arrogant and I was sure he was just trying to sell his BS to me in the hope of getting my number. I forgot about him quickly. Same year I watched the Miss Hungary on the TV not having any other watchable program. I almost dropped the remote control when I saw that short guy on the screen! I started to laugh. Oh well, I missed my big chance having my 15 minutes of fame. My excuse, I'm not from the capital and I didn't really follow the beauty pageants. Maybe I was naive but I had no idea who was that guy. But his approach was arrogant and I rejected him out of hand.
But then 2001 I had my guts and applied to the one in my region, it is a big annual event there. I was selected to the final. The preparation was fun with trying different clothes, hair dressers, make-up artist, photographers. My favourite was to choose the wedding dress for one of the choreography. Every girls wanted to choose the big princess dress, but I trusted the lady's taste who chose me a simple but very elegant dress which fitted perfectly on my figure. (This dress is still waiting for me because they offered it for my big day.) I didn't think about to win but I wanted to be a part of it. Among us we knew who's going to win anyway by the way how they treated the 3 girls differently. We had an open full-dress rehearsal where the judges were already there. I have this thing whenever I perform on stage, I like to have eye contact with customers otherwise I don't even smile. I don't see the point of making the effort to smile. What for if nobody watches? So back then I did the process of learning the choreographies without a single smile. But at the rehearsal when there was an audience there, I shined on the stage! I got my million carat smile, rehashed and showed it up.

Next day I felt the difference when I was sitting in the chair in the hair saloon and 3 hairdressers tried to bring the best out of my hair. And at the evening – thanks for my smile – I stood up from nowhere to the 2nd place. And it was such a good feeling. It was not something I won because I slept with one of the judges or my mum was a friend of the organiser. I got it because of myself. And my family and close friends were so proud of me!

When I grew up..

I told you before I always wanted to travel even as a kid. And I also wanted to be on stage as a model or dancer. I remember I was maybe 12 years old when I made some clothes and we were playing a catwalk show with my sister and the girls from my neighbourhood. (The short period when I wanted to be an astronomer and I knew the name of the nebulas, doesn't count here.) Then designing clothes became a part of the play. First I made them by hand, but later I learned how to use the sewing machine. Later I made my own clothes (and more importantly my mum let me to wear them in school!) I even made a few for my friends too.. Today I enjoy the great benefits of it when I design my costumes, although I never had a plan back in those days that one day I'll perform as a stripper.
Also I was about 12 when I started to write poems. I even won a prize once. Literally the first money I ever made it was from my writing skills. And from the money I won my mum bought me a gold necklace with a small cross. “That will always remind you of the first money you earned!”
See where I am now? I travelled, I'm on stage, I do modelling and I'm about writing a book. Who told you you can not reach your dreams???
The poem I wrote and it was read front of the entire school was about my dreams, what I'd like to see in this world. First part was about the sea. You think it's not a big deal, but it is indeed for a 12 years old who was living in a country with no beach side and the country just came out of the communist era. The second part was about Africa and a real safari with no cages. Done. 7 months lived in Cape Town was one of my biggest adventures so far. The third part was about landscapes, mountains, waterfalls. And I was lucky enough to see the Mt. Fuji and the Niagara. It sound crazy that you write down at the age of 12 what you'd like to reach and 20 years later you look back and you say “Damn, I've done all!” It's like making a wish list to the Universe “Hello, these are my dreams. Please, help me to reach them!”

My mum was always supportive and I love her dearly. Then I was a rebel at the age of 15 and I had a wild period (who doesn't at that age?) I remember when I wanted to go to a party wearing fishnet tights and a leather miniskirt, my mum literally stood in the door hands on the side “you're not going anywhere dressed like this!” Of course I didn't measure the danger what could happen if I stood in the bus stop dressed like a hooker (we were living in a small village and the bus stop was on the main road where the truck traffic was quite high) God knows what could happen, but I was so focused on going to that party and I was so upset at her stopping me! Good old days.. Now 20 years later we always have a good laugh about this story. But beside going to that party, I got everything I ever dreamed of as a kid.  

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

Photoblog - Let's have some fun!

I'm in a cheeky, playful mood these days! :)

And again, thank you Lawrence for the great photo!

Lots of Love,

What do you do in private?

“It's called private dance. So guess what? I'm dancing!”
“Ahh! Only dancing?”

I hate this question so much! My job is selling an erotic fantasy, nothing more, nothing less. So here it is what I'm doing in private (dedicated to the one who wished to read more fantasies on my blog):

You pay for the dance at the bar. When the payment is gone through I hold your hand and take you to the vip area. I smile because I'm happy to tease such a handsome man! I open the curtains and there is a cosy leather sofa, some candles and soft music playing in the background. Everything is set up for a seductive mood.
I seat you in the middle of the sofa and I sit on top of you. Let's the game start! Keeping eye contact my hand goes down on your body until your trousers and I take off your belt. (Don't be so happy, it's just because not so comfy grinding on the metal buckle.) I ease off your tie and open the top buttons on your shirt. I touch your arms: “Oh, you're so strong!” I know you need a little adulation and my words are music to your ears. I stand up keeping a bit of a distance so you can see me in the candle light. I start to dance and slowly take off my dress. I let your eyes wondering on each part of my body. I follow your glare with my hand and softly caress my body and play with my hair. I come closer to you and I place one feet on the sofa on your side. My inner tight touches your face and you feel the softness of my skin on your cheek. You're shy to touch me but I place your hands on my waist. “A soft touch is allowed” telling you playfully and I let you to grab my bum. But I'm the boss so nothing can happen without my permission. Then I sit down on your lap and I lean forward. I run the tip of my nose on your neck, I don't kiss but let my lips gently touch your skin and move my hips on you. You close your eyes and enjoy the moment. But before you enjoy it too much and you start to moan, I stand up. (Remember, the private dance is not about you finishing off.)
A little dance against the wall keeping the distance, then I turn and sit on your lap showing my back to you and I continue the grinding. I start slowly then I do it faster. A little twerking on you penis for fun and you're getting to be excited. Then I lean back, you can see my body over my shoulder. I pull down the straps of my bra and I ask you to open it on the back. You happily follow my request. I still hold my bra when I stand up and turn then suddenly I throw it to your face. Don't be so smiley, you can't keep it as a present!
I come closer to you and I press my boobies to your face imitating to give a kiss with them on your cheeks. I still press my naked breasts to your chest, I slide down the floor. Now I'm kneeling front of you almost in the same position if I would give you a blowjob. Our eyes are engaged and I let your fantasy soar. “Do you like it?” I press my boobies against your penis and give a little massage with them until your breath starts to be heavy.
I stand up and slowly take off my panties. Again I keep distance and let your eyes wondering on my fully naked body but suddenly our song is finished. I blow a feathery kiss to your cheek and I say a “Thank you.”

(And usually you would say: “I don't want to finish, I pay one more!”)

Saturday, 4 July 2015

I'm just a good girl with bad habits

If anybody asks what was my most exciting erotic experience, I always start with this story. It happened in London quite long time ago. But I feel I have to add it to the blog before everyone thinks I'm an innocent person (and because lately I only wrote about the pure facts of my work). So let's talk about sex! Lately I gave out only dry information about dancing on my blog, it's time to spice it up! So here are some saucy bits:
That was my first night in that club and I couldn't exactly figure out the rules. On the interview the manager told me it's all about hostessing (meaning selling champagne and talking to the clients) but the club was in the basement of a hotel. Whatsoever, he ensured me there is no sexual activity involved. I remember it was a Monday night, not so busy. I worked there with 4 other girls, they were friendly and welcoming. Our shift was almost finished when two customers arrived. One older, bold guy, he was the boss, and a young, handsome guy who was the employee of the old one. They were a bit tipsy as they had a company event and they didn't want to go home yet. So they ended up in our club. The old one knew the rules more than me – it was not his first time there for sure – and they ordered champagne for all of us. Bottles after bottles. The young guy was a chatty-box, quite intelligent though, the old one was funny. We really had a great time with them, they were easy customers. I thought so.
Not long before closing, the old guy disappeared with the manager in the back. I noticed that but I didn't think it was a big deal. Then they came back with a huge grin on both of their faces. And the manager called on of the girl who seemed to work there for long time and he whispered something in her ears. We had more fun but we finished the last bottle and the manager told us "OK, that was it, we are closing". We went to the changing room, I went straight to my locker. But then I heard the others talking:
“Listen, they don't pay enough.”
“Let's just have some fun!”
“I need the money.”
“I don't fuck for that money!”
“OK, so we're gonna play with them for half an hour, but no penetration. I will tell the boss.” and the girl left.
In a minute I understood what happened in the back, what was all the whispering about. The girls didn't talk secretly, but it was obvious I'm not involved in further business as I was a new girl and they didn't know if I would agree or not. Suddenly one of them turned to me:
“I guess you're not interested.. But we all go with the 2 guys to one of the rooms upstairs. Do you want to come?”
Before I said anything, the girl came back:
“They want all of us!” and looked at me impatiently.
I had 2 options: I get ready quickly and as soon as I can I leave the place and get the next night bus home, or I can be naughty and have a seven-some harmful adult fun. Guess which one I chose? You're right, the next night bus left without me.
It was not about the money. The girl was right, they didn't offered enough that I would have sex for if I'm a prostitute (I would fall into the high class and expensive category) If I remember well it was something between £100-150 each. The idea was already sick that the boss wanted to watch how his employee fucks with a girl. But you don't have this opportunity often and me having a curious nature I couldn't turn the offer off.
The room was small and the girls were pros. They turned on the TV, it was some music channel and two of them started to dance in the middle of the room doing a small lesbian show, the other two got the guys undressed and then each others. I lost following what's going on around me when one of the girls went down on me. I realised later that I was the only one having an orgasm that night.
I was not forced to do anything, it was my free choice. Half an hour later the girls started to get dressed and we left. For other reasons I didn't stay in that club for long, but until today I don't regret it. I don't even have a shame to talk about it.

What else can I say more: Welcome in my world of new experiences!

Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Photoblog - my best moments of being a stripper

I got a question from a reader that if I'm not so happy in my profession why did I choose this one. I think I wrote down enought time that I chose this because it was a good opportunity to travel. But I started dancing 7 years ago. 7 years is a long period and people change. I also changed. I was happy doing this job but now when I traveled from Canada to China, I have different goals in my life and I look for other options. I think it's absolutely normal in a person's life when she/he realise it's time to make certain changes. 7 years I showed to the world my sexy body. Now I feel it's time to show that I also have a beautiful soul!

And about my best moments.. here are they:

That's a photo montage I selected from my Facebook albums. I only used the photos where I'm alone, I don't want to cause trouble to other dancers who wish to keep their identity a secret. But if I never had chosen to live in this way, I couldn't have these pictures. And as my mum used to say: "These are the memories that nobody can take away from you!"

Friday, 12 June 2015

Just some thoughts..

I'm really on a deep level of understanding myself more and I made some amazing discovery. I realised what is my true problem in this industry. I'm way TOO FEMININE for this work! You think it's great, a stripper must be feminine. A feminine woman is more pleasure for the eyes. But it's not exactly the truth.
The woman seduces. But this work is not about seduction any more. It's manipulation. How can we get more money out of the guy, how can we keep him all night in the club to spend more, how can we get some cash from him. Seduction? Ehh.. pure manipulation. Now you think there is not a big difference between the two. Indeed it's huge! When a woman seduces, she places the man in the centre of her attention. When she manipulates him, the focus on the thing what she can get from him. In our case that's his wallet. The man who belongs to this wallet?? Kidding, right?
I'm fully aware that this is my work and I chose it. I make my money from this to pay my bills. But I can sense how it has been changed in the past years. I few years back we also took care of the person, not only his money. Now it's all changing. There are two kind of game in the clubs. One between a manipulator and an other manipulator. Both know that it's not true. The girl tries to get as much money as she can, and the guy plays hard to give. That's more like a business presentation about why you should buy a certain product. And trust me, there are girls who could teach some new view on marketing to the most difficult business sharks! Or the other game between the manipulator and her/his victim. Yes, it can be both way. When the girl is faking real interest and the guy buys it. He truly believes that the girl wants to see the 67th picture of his dog on his phone. “Show me more photos but can I have one more drink?” In the other way around when the guy is paying to make the girl drunk in the hope he can get more from her in private if she loose the control over herself. “I buy you champagne but you must have also a shot with me.” But what if I don't want to manipulate or being manipulated?
Also the competition between the girls is not a feminine feature. Competition is always masculine, aggressive, active. The feminine energy is passive. (I'm not talking about the way of behaviour.) Most of my customers like me because I'm more of a woman. Not only on the surface. Because I'm different than the others. I'm more feminine (again, I'm not talking about the looks) But these customers come to the clubs less and less – or they died out. They also don't want to participate in this game.
The feminine energy doesn't compete. It's not waiting for the man on top of the stairs to enter the club and jump on him faster than a rocket or doesn't want to push away the others just to be the first. The feminine energy is supportive, soft and helpful. But this is getting to be rare in this work. One night after we finished the shift, I asked a girl who was quiet all night.
“Are you okay?”
“Why do you ask?” asked back with so much aggression in her voice. She had no problem with me as we didn't talk all night. From me it was just an innocent and genuine question. But for her it was something offensive. Because she doesn't get use to that someone honestly care. I do. If someone crying in the changing room or looks sad, I'm the first in the line to ask what's wrong. Honestly. I made good friendships because the girl could feel that I'm not faking it. Not just telling her a few conned “feminine” words.
And that's why I can't stay in this business for so long – beside any other reasons. That's why I feel less and less successful, because I don't want to be part of this manipulative world any more. You would say the whole world is like that. But in strip clubs this manipulation is very intense. I have 2 choice left: wait until the night finally pushes away back to the sunlight or I decide to leave it behind by myself.

Wednesday, 3 June 2015

The Death of the Phoenix

I'm going home to die..

No need to worry, everything is OK with me, there is no issues with my health. I'm not going home to literally die. But as I always said, the symbol of the Phoenix has a strong effect on my Life. And just like the Phoenix, I'm going to die to reborn. The old habits, patterns will die with me, I don't want to follow them any longer. It's a strange feeling when one day you wake up and you realise in a nanosecond what you're doing wrong in your Life. Like a newborn baby, you open your eyes first time and you see clearly. But it's up to you what you're going to do with this realisation. I'm cutting everything off that I don't really need or not useful for me, that makes me feel tired, angry, sad or doubtful. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Things that hold me back. It's like a big spring cleaning! I have no regrets. I truly believe that things that belong to my Life they will find the way back to me, the rest is just matter of time when will leave by themselves .

It's painful, but I need to grow. I put 8 years in 4 boxes and decided to go back to Hungary. At least for a while, until I make the final decision. I don't want to live in a fantasy world any more, I decided to come out to the daylight. My eyes still hurt but soon I will get use to it. And I need my family and my family needs me. Where ever you travel in this world, it's always good to go back to your roots, where is the source of your blood.

I often said after reaching my dream – to go to Japan – I have nothing to take from this dancing world. For me that was the last step on the career ladder in this work (if we can call it a career) but after that I didn't find much happiness in it. Stories and experience for my book yes, but now I need to find the time to work more on that book and set up new goals.

I don't stop to work because I still have bills to pay but I will do less and less, and focus more on other aspects of my Life. I will still posting here, but more from memory than about actual work places. And when I'm ready to reborn, I spread my wings and I will return.

Wish me good luck and strength!


Being on this exciting spiritual journey of transformation, I was constantly dreaming about being pregnant or being in labour. Symbolically all means that I needed to find a way to my creative energy. To produce. To create. To compose. To establish. As the body creates a new life. One week later I had this new blog ready:

It's a strange feeling. I can not type or write as fast as my thoughts flow. I opened the gates front of them by removing all the unnecessary. Plus I think here is the time when I can show I'm more than a stripper. Or at least a wise one. The last two clubs in Belgium really made me think about if I still belong to this lifestyle.