"Well-behaved women seldom make history."
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Saturday, 25 January 2014

“Why geographical cures seldom work”

You made reference to "feeling trapped much like a hamster on the tread mill" I getting the impression my very dear friend is continuing her voyage on the thread mill, the difference being is that the thread mill is in different parts of the world ie my profession calls this "a geographical cure"

These words from one of my customer from Canada who became a good friend lately. He often visited me in the club and we were talking hours about psychological issues in relationships. He was a friend, a supervisor and tutor All in One. I studied psychology on the University, and I'm telling you this job is the best psychological work experience. (I specialised working with special needs and sometimes I feel I'm on the best place to practise.)

The tread mill I meant is more complicated. The Life is a roller coaster. Ups and downs. We have to accept the rain and the sunshine. But so many people live in the fog. Their days are grey. They wake up in the morning, coffee, traffic, work, problems, traffic, home, dinner, family, more problems, bed, morning, coffee, work.... like robots. Until someone unplug them. They read the book Power of Now, they discuss about it, but they don't change anything.

I have enough people around me that they are only complain about their lives and even if they have every tools to change it, it's easier to complain and wait for the miracle. They live in a fear of losing their jobs, financial insecurity and in the shadow of banks and credits. But they still want bigger house, faster cars, and they able to queue days to get the new iPhone S64... Those people sooner or later will get a big punch from Life. I have a good example in my family how I don't want to live my life. My dad always dreamed about travels and to see the sea. He was always dreaming about it but never done anything for that, even these days when you can go to Italy or Croatia on a low budget, he just finds excuses not to go. And it's sad but probably he will die without fulfill his dream.

My tread mill was in the restaurant. I woke up, get to work, then home and sleep. Next day I started again. Long working hours and no time for friends, no private life. But luckily I quickly realised it's not what I want. So I quit. I had the power to change what I don't like. And during travelling I've been changed.

What do I gain from my travel?

Power and Self-confidence
Not physical power but mental power. I can hold myself and stand up for myself if it's necessary. If I want something, I don't wait for others to do it for me. I'm brave enough to do the first steps. I don't have a rich family behind me (although my family is very supportive emotionally) so what I have, what I reached, I did it myself. I'm my own boss.

Patience and Empathy
I've heard so many times that I'm so quiet. Yes, because I watch and listen. That's the way how I learn about surroundings. And I've learned a lot. Now I know how to handle an arrogant (man), a drunk (man), a childish (man), a crying (MAN!), a man with money or a man with issues. And I'm learning not to judge them.

Communication skills
Actually dancing wasn't my first “night” job. I did hostessing in a London club where I worked only on commission. That was the way I learned English. I was always shy to speak up because I wasn't sure and I wanted to speak correctly. So I pushed my boundaries and started that job saying if I don't start to speak – doesn't matter correct or not –, I will have no money to eat. I'm still alive! :)
And I learned how to communicate with different people from different background and/or culture.

..and lots of joyful moments!
This is my favourite! Cage diving with the Great White sharks and crocodiles, going on a safari, seeing the Niagara Falls, climb up the CN Tower and walk on the glass floor, swimming in the Blue Lagoon in Iceland, Chinese Moon Festival, eating delicious local food and taste something different, palm trees and beautiful beaches, Octoberfest, bungy jumping.. and the list is not full!

I understand what my friend wanted to say with his words above. Maybe I'm a bit of adrenalin junky. And if this is my new tread mill, I will enjoy it! But I would rather call myself a free spirit and this tread mill simply Life. And for me, it definitely works!

Friday, 24 January 2014

Hello bello, Sun is yellow!

Here we are under the sun, the sky is blue, the sea is clear and 30 degrees every day! Sometimes heavy rain, but after 15 minutes the sky is clear again. We really have no reason to complain about our life here! The only problem I have, because it's very humid, we have lots of mosquitoes and they want to eat me alive! The “jungle formula” that I brought with me and it should give me protection from them and other insect bites up to 10 hours, doesn't help at all. The apartment is not the most modern and the cleanest I've ever seen, but here you don't want to spend your time sitting at home so no needs of luxury big flat screen TV on the wall.

The funny thing that since we are here, other people try to scare the hell out of us saying “Be careful, it's dangerous!” First we heard that we shouldn't go to Saint Felix to the beach, which is only 10 minutes walk from the house, because local people are living in the bush and they disturb the girls there. Well, we were there yesterday, I haven't seen a single man who looked dangerous to us. But families with small kids and other white girls sunbathing topless, yes! Those locals are even saying a “Bon Jour” or Ça va” to us when we walk. OK, sometimes men whistle from the car or they try to communicate, but that's all! I don't think we should put on them the DANGEROUS label only because they are men.. We are smart enough not to look for trouble. We won't walk this area after dark, we won't hitchhiking and sit into stranger's car or behave as we are dancers (meaning wearing extremely short skirts or talk loud and get all the attention) on the streets.

The next “very” dangerous thing here is the local woman. They are jealous of blondies and jealousy can kill.. Yesterday my friend put a flower into her hair and the next 2 minutes a car stopped next to us. A dark skinned woman got off the car and she started to talk to us in French. We didn't understand well, but she tried to explain that the flower is poisonous and she shouldn't touch her mouth with her fingers or even better if she can wash her hands. Yeah, that woman was very dangerous! Or the way back from the supermarket with heavy bags, we took the bus. Another dark skinned woman in the door took my bag and lift it up helping me to get on the vehicle. She was also the type of person I need to be careful with.. I'm not making a fun about it here, but my rules are very simple. Live and let to live. If you treat people with great respect, they have no reason to hurt you.

The next on the list is a venomous grey worm. I don't know the name of it, but I just heard from a girl in the house that we shouldn't leave the windows open because it comes from the trees. Me personally prefer the open windows than the aircon in the room as I get sick all the time. And look the cleaniness of the house, this aircon with a dirty filter can be more harmful for my health than have a chance to see this worm in the room.

The only real danger here will be our dear colleagues. I don't want to be against any nationality here, but I have difficulties working with French girls. At least with these here. They are the second on my anti-popularity list. Even my French friend said the girls here are nuts (maybe too much sun!) On the top of my list, I give the first place to the Romanian girls. They can be very nasty if they don't like you. I remember when I started and I was so naïve, one of them pushed me down from the stage because I smiled at her customer.. when I'm supposed to smile for everybody. I learned fast the way how they can behave. On the third place are the Russian speaker girls (Ukraine, Latvia, Litvania, etc.) but at least they are not aggressive with me. Of course that was some fights between us, but nothing serious. They just expect me to speak Russian, and it's pretty annoying when somebody after 3 weeks work together still doesn't get that I don't understand her and she keeps talking to me in Russian.

But here, since we arrived we experienced fights every day. Between the French girls, because I don't get into this. If any of them said something to me, I just smiled. I can not be bothered to get into fights, I don't waste my time and energy. But the way they live is unbelievable. They don't have respect for others at all. Not at home and not at work. The cleaning will be a problem here too. We have the bathroom in our room, and the 2 girls from the same floor use this bathroom as well. But when I do the cleaning, one of them just come to take a shower and she leaves a Lake Ontario in the middle of the room. The other one is even worse, she just put the tampon into the toilet and she forget to flush. YUCK! What kind of place they grew up? At work there is a drama class. Crying over a bottle that she needs to share with her colleague, fight with the hot hair curler and burn the other girl's skin, too much drinks and I guess also drugs. They behave like kids. Very loud kids. My friend and I are extremely unique here, not only the hair colour, but the whole personality and the reasonable behaviour. Luckily..

Friday, 17 January 2014

Heading to the Paradise

After 4 weeks hard work in Luxembourg I'm in a need of some rest. You think 'oh you girls just party all night', but this is actually a hard physical job. Wearing high heels, dancing on stage 6-8 times a night, smiling and looking pretty and drinking until you hit the floor.. 6 days a week and 8-10 hours a day. Or sometimes more..

I was absolutely excited and felt lucky when I got the chance to work in Guadeloupe in the West Indies after all. I contacted the owner of the club and I asked if there any place for 2 and he said yes. Great! I've never been in the Caribbean before plus I'm going there with a friend that I haven't seen for ages but before we travelled a lot together. And the work conditions are perfect, the club is open from 11pm to 4am, and only 5 days a week. The owner bought us the tickets, so basically I'm going for a 5 weeks holiday (with a little work) to the Caribbean on extremely low costs. What else could I wish more? Beautiful white sandy beaches, blue sky, clear sea, 28 degrees... and SUN! Yuppie! I've already checked the websites where we can snorkel, sailing, sunbathing. I can't wait!

This is the part of my job I like the most. I enjoy discovering places! I still remember when with my friend we decided to conquer the World. I met her in Greece. Her name is Giselle (yes, another VS model) I was about to leave the club when she arrived and she took my place in the room. I went to another club to near Nafplio. But I wasn't so happy on the new place, the club was okay, but the apartment! It was in the middle of nowhere, no Internet, no shop nearby, only a beach 10 meters away from the house. First day was nice, we enjoyed the sea but when we had no food left, we asked the owner how we go to buy some stuff.
“No worries girls, you can call me any time and I will take you to the shop. Or tomorrow I will bring you a bicycle.”
I didn't like the first option, I'm not the type who wants to be dependent on someone. I like to go to the shop when I want, not when he has time to pick me up. I didn't like the second option either. Not because I'm lazy to ride a bicycle, but I didn't feel it safe at all. When we were on the beach, so many cars stopped asking stupid questions or even making offers. It was quite disturbing. Can you imagine when I'm alone on a bicycle between two villages? The sea is on one side, a field is on the other side? No, I'm not taking that risk....

So after two days I had a plan to escape. I made my luggage ready and I knocked on our neighbour's door. It took time to someone opened the door. They didn't speak English. I don't speak Greek. The only word that the man understood it was “hotel” and I pointed toward my luggage. He waved with his hand and went to the backyard to the car. It was dirty inside, I guess he transported animals and hay with it. That moment I didn't care. Just later when I was sitting in a dirty car next to a total stranger who doesn't speak the same language, I questioned myself about my own mental statement. “Am I really out of my mind?”

But the trip ended well. He took me to a hotel in the centre of the town, and he didn't even want to charge me with the ride. The hotel was very simple but luckily not so expensive. No Internet access. I went to an Internet Cafe and I checked my flight ticket back to England. And in the same time I sent a message to my agent, that I want to go back to the previous club or I go home. I gave her time to the next day, if she doesn't reply I go back and book the ticket. Greece is beautiful, so I planned to enjoy the rest of the day. I was walking around, climbed the hill which has 999 steps to the top, watched the sunset and I had a nice dinner. After all I slept like a baby. Next day I took the bus to Epidavros, to the famous ancient theatre. I really enjoyed my little break without work and the sightseeing. On my way back, the agency called. She was not so happy that I just left the club without saying anything to the boss, but she said I can go back to the previous place. So I went back and I took the same room with Giselle.

She was very nice and we became friends. (No, we are not lesbians! I must say that because every guy I mentioned her had sparkles in his eyes like “really? How good friends you are?” and wink) We are more like sisters. The same way of thinking and same interest. Same desire to travel as much as we can so we decided to travel and work together in the future. That night there was no electricity in the whole town, we got the text that the club is closed. We lit a candle and we were surfing on the Internet checking new agencies and clubs where we wish to go, until the battery died in my laptop.
“Wow, there is a club in South Africa! Let's go there, we can go to a safari!”
“OK, it sounds good. But there is another in Hong Kong! Look at the pictures! After we can go to Thailand and do a scuba dive training.”
“Let's go to Guam! There is an army base there! ;) “
“The work conditions are very good in Canada..”
And so on. We had lots to plan.. and we learned the Greek word Πάμε for a lifetime, meaning “let's go!”

And then we worked in Canada together for 3 months and in the same year we went to Cape Town. And now to the Caribbean. I'm super excited!

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Would you live with a stripper?

The thought of living with a bombshell who can turn you on 7/24 is exciting, right? But let me tell you something. The following information is not general but unfortunately I've seen it many times as I lived more than 30 apartments in different countries. Strippers hate to clean. Of course, you always can find an exception just like me :) but seriously after I arrive to a new place, my first things on the shopping list are toilet rolls, cleaning wipes, sponge and washing up liquid.

Usually clubs provide accommodation to the girl who travel. Very often is above the club but can be a very nice apartment booked in the nearest hotel just like I had it in Geneva. I found it funny when a customer asked me if we are sleeping on mattresses.. :) But since I dance my best place to stay was in Cape Town, South Africa, where the club has the whole building next door (opposite the police station so it's absolutely safe!) to accommodate around 100 girls. 3 floors, big rooms for 2 or 3 girls, big kitchens, clean bathrooms, rooftop with a small swimming pool, sunbathing area and a cleaner every day! What a bless! 

In Europe girls don't stay long in one place. They go to work for 2-3 weeks and then home to their country and back again. In that case most of them unfortunately never feel the apartment as it's their home, even for a short time. They never feel that they have a responsibility to clean after themselves when they move out, saying the new girl will do it anyway. Same with the dirty dishes. I personally don't cook in those places. I rather eat somewhere or buy just a ready made microwave food, because often I don't  want to touch anything in the kitchen. Jesus, I've seen a girl doing the dirty dishes with a soap bar! Not even liquid soap! Can you imagine? But at least this girl tried to do something. Most of the time girls finish work drunk, they cook and eat in the morning, but simply forget to cleanafter themselves. Next day they don't remember but they are standing angry in the middle of the kitchen and arguing with everybody, because they can't find a clean spoon! And sadly the dirty dishes stay in the sink for days until someone has enough and clean up all the mess.

Or even in Cape Town, we had a serious meeting because someone was using the toilet not in a 'normal' way. The cleaner was complaining because 2 or 3 times she found the thing on the floor, just right next to the toilet.. covered with toilet paper. WTF? I found it extremely funny, but still I can't imagine myself so drunk that I can't find a toilet seat...

But my favourite is when the club charge the dancers for a cleaner, but we have never seen anybody cleaning the apartment. “Yes, because she comes when you, girls, are sleeping!” And apparently she also forgets to clean, because everything it's on the same place where we left. Including the mess.

So yes, it's fun to live with 10-15 other girls in a small apartment. We're used to see each other naked at work or in the changing room, nakedness doesn't bother us at home either. It would be a dream of a man to live in the same place. But when it comes to cleaning, poor guy should not expect anything extraordinary. Except he likes to be a slave.. otherwise after 2 weeks he would run home to his wife/mum/girlfriend to a clean, cosy home with delicious food made in a clean kitchen.

Friday, 10 January 2014

Happy 2014 to all!

I hope this year brings lots of new people, adventure and travel into my life, just like the previous one..

Someone asked me a good question and it made me think: what is my goal with writing this blog? I would just simply say to share experience, the good and bad side of this profession. Nothing else really. I don't have journalist skills and as you can notice I don't write on my mother language (I apologise ahead for all the grammar mistakes I make here) but I gained a big experience with men over the past 5 years. And some was really a jawdropping one..

I know men and women are different. Different way of thinking and different needs. And when I say I understand that, I really mean it. I'm not a nagging and yelling type of girl, and if my guy needs space, I give it to him. I'm not making problems over a few beers with colleagues after work or getting easily jealous. I understand the different problem-solving technics and I'm there for support but not asking every minute what's wrong and try to talk about it. And I don't even remember when I asked a guy “do you still love me?” I can say, the guy with me can feel he won the jackpot.

But I'm still single. I don't know, maybe it's just about luck, but I feel I always met the wrong type. Of course, I've read about all the expectations, that you will get what you give, follow your heart and the Universe helps you to achieve your desires and so on, but I've been in some very awkward situations lately. And the point I still can't understand, why women are reading thousands of self-help books to make their relationships better, while men are more and more lazy to take their part of this. Some can be a real jerk even with a stripper (how do they behave with their girlfriends/wives then?) For example: I had a customer an other day here in Luxembourg. He was nice, he usually spend some time in London so he asked me out when next time we are both there. I thought why not, I give him a chance and I gave him my number.. Than he said he go to the toilette, and he just disappeared. Without even saying Goodbye. It's OK, I thought maybe he changed his mind or whatever. I forgot about the situation. But after a few days, he sent me a text! “Hello Lindsay, how have you been? This is Daniel. I'd love to take you out tonight for dinner and wine. Can you make it by 8pm? Daniel :)” This time he was already in London, I was still in Luxembourg. And I wouldn't have been surprised, but I told him I go back only in 2 weeks time. I'm wondering did he really heard what I was saying to him???? “I'm working tonight from 8pm in the club” I hoped he realise I'm still in Luxembourg. I also told him, when I'm in London, I don't work. “Hello :) would you like we meet over drinks and we spend the evening together when you're done from work tonight? I'm staying at the Four Season hotel in Park Lane. Where are you based in London?” That's it. I started to be angry. Not about he suggested spending the night in a hotel with a total stranger (this kind of offers I get very often) but the lack of the minimum attention and respect to somebody he wants to spend a night with and obviously expecting an incredible amazing sex affair. “Man, didn't you understand that I'm still in Luxembourg til mid January??????” That point I didn't even want to be nice... “I was last Friday in Luxembourg. Btw, cannot you be more polite with manners when you type? You seem very aggressive not relaxed type!” I just started to laugh. I couldn't believe my eyes... First I know that he was in Luxembourg as we met here last Friday. I remember very well as he sneaked out saying he's going to the toilet. I can't be that drunk to forget which city or country I am. And I'm the one who is not polite here???? And he feels he has the right judging my way of typing or behaviour? Pfff, please.. He was wrong. I wasn't aggressive but extremely shocked. After he said he's going to the washroom and disappeared, he really thought that I want to meet up with him again? End of story. No more messages. But the whole situation made me think what's wrong with men these days.

Gentlemen, even if you want nothing else but a quick sex with a girl from a bar (any bar, not necessary a strip club) do you listen to her at all? I don't mean when she tells you the name of her sister's dog, but basic information like how long she stays in the city? You need to know that if you plan to see her again. And in my opinion when you arrange a dinner with someone, that's a date. So when you want to date with that girl later, you don't even care to impress her? I know this guy was a very bad example. Thank God, I've met the opposite type more often. But unfortunately, I have no doubts that he's not the only one out there who urgently needs further educations about how to impress a woman. And I also have no doubts that there are girls that they don't need more just to show them a few banknotes and they are ready to do anything to you, but I'm not talking about these cases and I'm definitely one of them.

Or another guy from yesterday. I just mentioned him I did 5 years belly dancing at back home.
“Oh ballet, great, I danced too!”
“No, I said belly dance..”
“Yes, ballet is good. Was there any famous ballet group in your city? Like Russian ballet?”
“Sweetie, I'm talking about Egyptian tribal belly dance!”
“Did you do jive as well?”
I decided it's wiser to be quiet and just smile. End of the day he's paying for my champagne. And I know the term ballet and belly sound similar and it's easy to misunderstand with a loud music background, but I'm just wondering did he really hear when I corrected him? Twice?

I started to believe that we have some major communication problems here. Usually women talk and men listen. But in some cases, men don't listen at all! And they are surprised if we get upset and blame us for being short tempered. It's really not a good point if you expect something later on from that woman. Just like the second guy, he asked if I would give him my mobile number and keep in touch. No, it doesn't work in this way..!
So please Gentlemen, pay more attention to that pretty girl next to you at the bar that you want to date with, to your girlfriend and to you wife, and your life will be much smoother and you will hear less complain.