"Well-behaved women seldom make history."
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Sunday, 28 September 2014

My dog-lover ex

I love animals. Although I'm a cat person, I do love dogs as well. Ok, not those portable handbag dogs. They are cute but for me the meaning of a dog starts somewhere a normal height. But after experiencing this story I was not able even to look at them for a while. 
I was dating with a guy who had a small female dog. Of course I knew him from the club I used to work that time. But I thought he is a fantastic man. We shared the same way of thinking, similar mentality from the beginning,  same interest. He was a strong character,  manly, like a big silent warrior. You know the kind you know you can rely on. He will be there any time you need him. So what about the dog then? No, the story is not that bad as you think, but definitely one of the weirdest that ever happened to me. 
For me his relationship with his dog was acceptable but not quite alright. Maybe I was overreacting but sometimes he gave more attention to the dog than to me. I have made comments about it and he just said I'm jealous of the dog. But he also told me he loves her more than anything else and she has the priority in his life. Because she taught him what real love is. When we had sex I asked him not to let her in the room and he agreed.  But when we finished he oped the door and the dog jumped in the bed. He immediately started to play with her, stroke her and I was scratching my head that WTF? I just gave him a blowjob and swallowed his sperm and he's pampering the dog more than me? All those intimate moments were vanished in a second. 
But the main issue was not that. When I first saw the dog humping and cuming on his arm I found the situation funny. Dogs do it on random things,  sometimes on a toy or on your leg. Second time I still didn't want to see the warning signals. But at the 3rd, 4th, 5th times it was bizarre! When I realised that is part of the daily routine, this fantastic,  strong guy became so small in my eyes. He lost all my respect. But how can I respect a man who is misunderstanding his own feelings and project his love to a dog? Lonely people often do that but in a sexual way? I felt pitty for him. And we had a huge argument. He didn't want to understand why it's a problem, animals need that too, it's nature. Is it nature to pat me in the same way as the dog or using the same words when he made his dog cum than he used with me? That's sick man!
Psychologically I understand him. He lost him mother and he supress lots of love and he became a sad person. Than he got the dog, someone that he can love and take care of. I just don't know how it became linked with his sexual habits. I'd love to hear what a psychoanalyst would say about that.. how did this become such a habit for him, more important than a woman next to him? When we had an argument I even asked him if he knows that in some countries it's legal to marry a dog (according to an Australian guy who married his labrador) All he could say it was that he promises me not to do it again front of me! He didn't understand it's just way too wrong! He thought it's not a big deal. It is a big deal! He thought I'm asking him to choose between me and his dog. He didn't get the point that I ask him to choose between me and his habit. I knew I have to make my decision to accept him with his dog or get my stuff and run away. I told him to ask any healthy minded woman,  none of them would except that from a guy they want to build a relationship with. So the guy slowly disappeared from my life. At the end I was the bad one who doesn't like animals. I do like them. But I love and respect myself more than to stay in this situation. 
I often wonder what if I'm not a dancer? Still can I have all these interesting stories about dating and weird guys all over the planet? Or am I overreacting something here?
I'm curious what other women would do in the same situation..

Friday, 26 September 2014

Bon jour, Geneve!

Here's I am again. I must say during a year period I was working another places, here nothing changed. Every night the same faces. Some I truly missed. Good to see these people again and carry on the same conversion that we had a year ago. Like I had a young customer that we talked a lot about Caribbean and Japan because he visited those places several times. And since we haven't met I got to both places and now have lots of stories to share with him. That's a shame I didn't have his contact to send him a message that "Greetings from Japan!" But now I'm so happy to see and talk to him again.
I think I worked in this club on and off 5 months. Enough time to make friends and enemies. I have some good stories from this place although I didn't enjoy every minute of working here. This is the only one place in Geneva that is not a cabaret. Cabarets are hundreds of them here, also private apartments. The prostitution is blooming here. Just on the next street behind the hotel I stay, there are girls on the streets daytime wearing shorter skirts than I wear at work as a dancer. And some can give me a dirty look when I pass them, thinking I am a concurrency. I would not say I feel comfortable, but I try to ignore them. I'm not looking for trouble from my nature. Inside the club is a different story. This is the only one strip club in Geneva where sex is prohibited. Or at least this is what they say. Last year in my last month I got upset when almost every second guy asked me about special massage in the vip. "Man, if you want special massage go to any cabaret and you can have anything you wish for!" But then I had to realise that some girls advertising this place for this kind of service and they obviously not only dance in the vip. There were 2 girls that they took guys to their apartment provided by the club to make some extra money. How lovely is that? Forget about othet dancers you share the apartment with.. I never understand these girls why don't go to work to any private apartment, they could make way more money than working in a strip club. Ok, here is less concurrency because not every girl offering the same service but still.. as I heard both had troubles with the boss and they got fired after I left.
This time no difference. Girls can leave with customers if the guy pays enough for the club. Other girls let finger themselves during the private dance which would be okay for me if the booths are not open. Everyone makes the money in the way she wants, but it's disturbing when my customer sees what's going on in the next booth and obviously he expects the same from me. Those girls have no respect to others. Or the one yesterday, basically she gave a guy a lapdance at the seating area, kissing and dry humping on him for free.. I must say those customers are right when they complain about the quality of the girls here because they are getting more aggressive, more dirty, more cheap. Before I was working here with nice girls who know the business but this time very low class. And it's a bigger problem when customers make the same comments..
Oh well, I just came back for 3 weeks and I was prepared for that. No big surprise. And as I said I met lovely guys here, I concentrate on them and don't let those girls disturbe me. There are some times when I don't even want to talk to any of them and I don't give a s*** what they think about me. As far as I see they compete with each other who can make more money and I never been interested in this kind of competition. I know how much I make and I know in what way, I never care about the other girls wallets. Like yesterday I didn't make a penny but I quite enjoyed looking the others get wasted on champagne and making a show for everyone in the club. It was a weird night anyway, I even made a joke with the barman that it seems everyone is high on coke. Well, you might never know for sure..

Saturday, 13 September 2014

Good bye Skegness!

Last week was raining. I thought this week won't be different. But I'm happy for these days in this small room alone (in the one with the window!) because I can focus on more writing and I had time for some "emotional housecleaning". This year I wanted to go to the pilgrim's road to Santiago de Compostella but it requires some financial background what I don't have this very right moment. Hopefully my bank account balance will be more stable on the spring and I can rethink it. I have this feeling that I want to be a little isolated from people. I think it's normal if you constantly work with people (drunk, stupid,  arrogant and loud people..) to be alone in your own world to recharge your batteries. Skegness is the best from that point. 
I arrived back yesterday.  Everything is the same, except the weather.  Hallelujah,  the sun is shining this weekend! But it seems these are the last sunny days of the year. Today I took anice long walk on the beach but there were not so many people there. Well, even the coach I took from London was almost empty. Last weekend when I came it was not full, but definitely more people came here for the weekend than this week. The summer is over I guess.
Even the club was empty yesterday. On a Friday evening! I had a few dances but we closed earlier because it was no point to be open. But I still like the people here. So different than in any big cities,  they don't have a business mind and they so innocent. I had a customer last week, he doesn't speak too much and he's just sitting alone with his beer, but he asked me for a dance. When I got naked, I see sparks in his eyes like a little boy when he's unwrapping his present under the Christmas tree. Bless him! I enjoyed the dance too, I felt special and appreciated. I wish every dance would be the same. He came back this weekend and he just constantly repeated me how beautiful,  delightful,  special I am. That's a real ego-boost for me!
Even the women are nice that come to the club. I met 2 girls in their fourties and in the first 5 minutes of the conversation they honestly told me that they were prostitutes and "we are in the same boat." I had a good talk with them, I didn't feel any competition and bitchiness than usually. You know, there are lots of things I can't share with my girl friends outside from the club business. Even they know a lot about my work they can not fully understand the situations. With these girls we wear the same social stigmas and we can talk honestly about our experiences.
I will miss these kind of people as these are my last days here. From next week I will jump again in the middle of the mind games as I go back to Switzerland on Monday. Let's get back to the hardcore business! 

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

I'm a stripper and you can ask anything you want to know..

Let's play this game. You can ask me anything – seriously anything – about my work, I will give you the honest answer.
I got emails often and the most popular question is how I became a stripper. I used to get male attention since I started modeling at the age 16. That time I had lots of fight with my dad – no real fights, no verbal or physical abuse, more of a cold war. He didn't show interest in me, so I was seeking this attention somewhere else. Yes, in my case the psychological cliché as every stripper has daddy issues is true. But during my work years I've seen the proof of the opposite too.
After portrait modeling I started to do nude modeling. I was always proud of my body and I had trust in the photographers I worked with. I worked in Austria and Italy a lot so I got a bit of chance to travel. But this time we only speak about artistic nude photography. Like naked girl, painted in gold standing in the middle of a lake as a statue. Austrian photographers love bodypainting and they quite creative. I really enjoyed those workshops. But of course, I met different photographers with different offers. I was relatively young and naïve, and the amount of money was very tempting. So slowly I got involved in the adult industry. But this I didn't enjoy that much. I enjoyed spending the money I made (when I studied on the university, I'm sure in some months I got bigger salary than my teachers.) or I was happy when I could support my mum with a bigger amount but it came with shame.
The opportunity for dancing came on a casting when I was talking with other girls and both were a dancer. I was curious so I asked the contact number of the guy that I can apply to. Very soon I went to Italy and after I was with him at the Austrian embassy signing a 3 months contract and waiting for my visa. The beginning was hard. I still remember the song when I first danced on stage. The other girls gave me enough alcohol not to remember what I was doing (thanks God!) but I still remember the song was Get busy by Sean Paul.
When I finished the contract, I had 2 choice: I carry on dancing and I make more money, but then I loose the energy I already invested in my studies. That was after my 2nd year on the university, I was half way to get my diploma and I'm not the kind of person who gives up easily. I decided to go back and finish my studies. I told myself “If I miss the spotlights, I still can work as a dancer afterwards.” But when I got my diploma, I forgot all about stage, private dances, selling champagne and extra high stripper shoes. I wanted to have an average life. But that was a difficult time in my country, after a few failures to finding a good job I decided to move to England for 1-2 years. In Hungary I was already thinking about trying out myself abroad when I was sitting in a job interview and listen to the guy offering me a job in another city, that meant minimum 2,5 hours travel every day, overtime, limited access to grow for the minimum salary. That was all that my country could offer to me. No, thank you. I quit. I went home from the interview and I bought a one way ticket to England.
First year I had a normal job as a nanny. Then I moved to London from the countryside and I found all those dodgy opportunities working at night. I started to work at a hostess club on Little Portland Street to improve my English. I was about talking and selling champagne but no dancing. It was great fun, good money, I didn't look for other options. Then I changed the club and started to work at the Directors Lodge at St. James. That was the longest time I spent in one club, I worked there almost 2 years. But still no dancing. Then I had a chance to change working in a restaurant where I was quite disappointed and not long after I was heading to Greece. (you can read more about in the Beginning 2. post)
Long story short, this is my life. This is that made me who I am today. Now I'm not ashamed anymore, I take full responsibility of all my decisions, without regrets. And today I'm brave enough to tell you that you can ask me ANYTHING, I will give you honest answer.

Monday, 8 September 2014

Photoblog - Happy Moon Cake Festival, China!

"The Mid-Autumn Festival is an official harvest festival celebrated by Chinese, Taiwanese and Vietnamese people. The festival is held on the 15th day of the eighth month in the Chinese calendar during a full moon, which is in September or early October"

Last year in the same time I was there. The celebration was funny, every girl in the club had to wear white dress while people outside was gathering together for a late night picnic or bbq watching the full moon and the whole place was decorated with colourful lanterns. Macau by night is already lit up with neon coloured lights, all together it made the entire city more vibrant than London with the Christmas lights on Oxford Street.

I really enjoyed my time I spent there, for me Macau is a special place when the gambling spirit mixes with the smell of those Chinese burning sticks. I couldn't stop myself taking pictures.. :)

And the absolute favorites were the pandas:

Friday, 5 September 2014

In memory of Jimmy

Although I have to confess I didn't know him well. We were not friends in the deeper meaning of this word. He was my manager. One of the kind you will always remember. But for sure he was a character of the Mavericks club in Cape Town, South Africa. A lively, funny and definitely an unforgettable character. He was homosexual. I'm not saying that to label him, I'm saying because it was part of his personality. His persona if I can say that.
He was funny when he made a show on stage as a dragqueen. Don't imagine a proper show with costumes and make up, he just randomly went on the stage when he got bored and took all the attention from customers. Every eyes and every spotlights were focused on him. Or when he pretended he's on a catwalk. Me and my friends were sitting on a coach and enjoyed the show as he moved his hips sideways as models do. We were laughing on him and with him. He enjoyed our attention too. Still makes me smile when I remember how he fixed his imaginary make up in the mirror!
I didn't like him sometimes as he always checked what the girls are wearing. He was a very honest criticist with sharp eyes – and with a sharp tongue too. (But he was right most of the time) I remember when my friend wanted to wear a very sexy jeans short and he almost got a heart attack when he saw her! He sent her back to the changing room to change the outfit because jeans short are not “classy”. Or I remember when he was flirting with my customer and end of the story he gave his mobile number to him. My customer was kept telling me all night that “I can't believe that! I came to a strip club and I got a number of a guy!” It was so funny. (Maybe my customer was also homosexual but he hasn't realise it yet. For me it's a mystery how homosexual guys can spot eachothers, and they are right most of the time.)
Sometimes I hate my facebook. When you just want to check your notifications and on the wall a bad news just popping up and hit you in the head. I didn't even know he was sick. Everything happened so suddenly. A great soul has gone. Now he's doing catwalk shows to angels in heaven and makes them smile. But he will liv forever in our memories and we won't forget him.

You will be truly missed..

Rest in peace Jimmy Diva!

Monday, 1 September 2014

The list of the clubs I worked

Another day I was thinking about the number of clubs I've worked. Here is the whole list:

Blue Angel, London, UK
Director's Lodge, London, UK
Sexyland (Babel), Loutraki, Greece
Dorsia, Antwerp, Belgium
Charlie's, London, UK
Churchills, London, UK
Goddess, Nice, France
St. Louise, Brussels, Belgium
Empire, Brussels, Belgium
Paradise, Remich, Luxembourg
Fairbanks, Toronto, Canada
Maveriks, Cape Town, South Africa
Z1, Sylt, Germany
Beverly, Vienna, Austria
Gaslight, London, UK
Valentino, Koblach, Austria
Evita, Wil, Switzerland
Six Days, St. Gallen, Switzerland,
Sensi, Geneva, Switzerland
Messalina, Stuttgart, Germany
Divino, Macau, China
Saumur Crystal Club, Luxembourg
L'extase, Guadeloupe, French Caribbean
Paradise, Yokohama, Japan
La Cave Bastiaise, Corse, France
VIP, Reykjavik, Iceland
Flirtz, Skegness, UK
Pink Paradise, Paris, France
Le Chat Noir, Pescara, Italy
Atlantic, Osnabruck, Germany
Lotus Showbar, Oslo, Norway
City Club, Brussels, Belgium
Abilux, Antwerp, Belgium
Crystal, Aarhus, Denmark
Club Glamour, Lloret de Mar, Costa Brava, Spain
Crystal club (Stage 2000) Nuremberg, Germany
Conchili, Ludwigsburg, Germany
Teatro, Wetzikon, Switzerland
Red lips, Zurich, Switzerland
Cleopatra, Stuttgart, Germany
Stripclub Dolls, Zaventem, Belgium

If you have ever been in any of them, I would be happy to hear your stories!