"Well-behaved women seldom make history."
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Monday, 3 March 2014

Bitches vs. Doormats

If you want to call me a bitch you're allowed to. If you think I'm strong, I don't let a man to think he has a hold on me, if you think I can stand up for myself and I don't chase a man, you're right. In that case if every strong woman is a bitch, you can call me one. Because I know what I want, I do not compromise and I'm still very feminine on the surface. And being called a bitch is still better than being called a doormat.

I have a very good example for the latter. Some girls are incredible desperate having a relationship and they even try to convince themselves that their relationships work and it's good for them. The fears come from different backgrounds, not having enough self-esteem, they need control from the outside, they think someone can make them happy rather than make themselves happy, etc. Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves. And they give too much in their relationships. I mean way TOO much! A friend of mine once has been called out for a dinner at 11pm! In the rain. And she happily put some make-up and shoes on and left the house. There is no guy in the entire Universe that can call me out after 8pm for a date! Where is the self-respect here?

I don't want to analyse the whole thing from the guy's side and I don't want to judge him either. But at some point I'd like to hear his opinion. My problem is my friend. To see her in a relationship waiting. Waiting for his phone calls, waiting to see him, waiting that the guy wants to settle down, waiting when he decides to move in together, waiting, just waiting. That's the worst thing that a woman can do in her early thirties. Waiting and wasting her best years because she's living in a dream. She sees what she wants to see. As they say: The eyes are useless when the mind is blind. And she loves to give advice to others about their dates or relationships what really started to piss me off lately. I don't know how long I'm able to shut my mouth..

In my opinion men are hunters. They are more turned on by a powerful woman because it's a trill to them to take her down. High-calibre guy wants a self-respecting woman who has appetite for her own Life and won't let someone walk all over her. That's why even my friend calls me a bitch. Not to face to face, of course! For example she never understood how I'm able to accept gifts from my dates. Because I simple deserve it! (And she doesn't even know that that was a kinda training for me to accept any presents or help from a man who is not my partner. Sometimes my pride was bigger than the desire to have that gift..) She calls me a bitch because in her opinion it's not possible if I don't treat them right sexually. She doesn't know how to accept something, only to give. She never learnt to keep the balance between giving and accepting. That you shouldn't give more than you get back in return. She never understood these things but she easily judge others. She has a normal life, a normal job. She never worked in the night. She knew when I worked in London as a hostess, living together was not easy to lie about it and I didn't even want. She knows that I'm doing the same in different countries now, I never mentioned her when I started to dance. I didn't see the point. But with all these travels, all the new experiences, with new people around me, she sees that I'm happy and easily succeed my goal.

She is a nice girl. TOO nice! But in a relationship she's not able to stand up for herself and for her own needs. And “when a nice girl needs a man too much and puts him on a pedestal, she treats him with a view of himself that even he doesn't hold. And it makes him uncomfortable because he knows (better than anyone) that he ain't no a white knight.” (Sherry Argov: Why Men Love Bitches)

I don't know what is going to happen next. Probably they will struggle together for more years and make each other unhappy. Both have no strength to quit. But this is an unhealthy situation. I just hope soon they will be able to solve it in one way or another. But meanwhile I'm happy bitching around. ;)


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