"Well-behaved women seldom make history."
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Friday, 7 March 2014

Why I'm single and the reason behind

I've heard so many times from guys: “I don't believe that you are single.” You believe it or not, I am. I usually tell customers that it's not easy to find the right one when I'm always on the go. (Sometimes I'm actually very tempted to say yes, of course, I have one in every capital!) But I really mean it. 2 weeks here, 3 months there, it's not enough time to build up a committed relationship. And if I find someone nice that we have the vibe, from the beginning it's determined as we both know I don't stay long. I haven't find the person or place that's worth enough to make me stop and stay.
Which is a lie itself. I've found that special person or at least I thought so. We met just a few weeks before my contract finished. We had some special time together than he took me to the airport and I left him with a promise to keep in touch. I left him not even another country but another continent.
And the magic came through emails. I have no idea how it happened or when I fell for him, but truly he became my strongest relationship with someone. He became my greatest support, best friend and someone I could talk freely about anything. And he was 3500 miles away! Since then I believe in long distance relationships..
He appreciated and accepted me in the way I am (vice versa) more than any person physically close to me for more than 2 years. And guess what? End of the day it wasn't good enough for him. Basically he chose the most coward way and he just disappeared. I know that time he had problems but he chose “being selfish and isolated”. I gave him the maximum of time to deal with his own problems as I know men need that and I was not nagging with stupid questions. But months later there was still no contact and explanation. Of course “sorry for being distante” messages yes, but not a real reason why he chose to end it up in that way. Why he pushed me away. I've been just left alone with my guess. And this is the most soul-killing solution that a guy can do for a woman. Even the painful truth is better. Maybe I cry for a day or two, but then I know the show must go on.
That time I was working in Macau, China, and he has no idea but he really gave me a hard time. Not because he stopped communicate, but because I had no idea what's going on. I even started to blame myself. I couldn't concentrate my own work, I was not even able to smile sometimes. In a 2 months period I was just a shadow of myself. Now it's over, the strong woman is back, who able to fight with anything with the greatest smile. Thanks my dear friends for the support and lifting up my spirit and I apologise to those who had no chance to get to know the real me because I was in my own little world liking my wounds. So after that long time: Life Is Beautiful and Good Morning Sunshine!
And as someone asked me about, I have to make a statement that's nothing wrong with my sexual life! Well, I have blood in my veins (OK, sometimes it's mixed with lots of champagne but it's still mainly blood) I don't have a relationship but it doesn't mean I'm not dating. Even when I had this long distance relationship or special friendship (or whatever label you want to use) I was seeing guys. That was a kinda silent arrangement between us, he never asked me about that and I didn't either. We are only humans and our body has needs. And we are adults enough to understand that. But back to dating, I don't date with anybody. The guy I want to date with needs to catch my attention. Not with a good look or money. But he needs to have that special something. He needs to know how to treat a woman. Some date of course can fail and I say I don't even want to see that guy again. But if it comes to sex, I like to take the time to get in the mood with a dinner and a bottle of good wine. Maybe two..
I guess this is when people say it's not the matter of quantity but quality. And I definitely go for quality things in my Life. And until I find my Mr. Right, I will enjoy dating.

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